What To Do if a Family Member Is Arrested

For many of us, asset protection often extends well beyond the idea of safeguarding financial assets or business resources. It also encompasses shepherding family members and protecting them from harm or other serious negative consequences.

Consider, for example, a situation that no one wants to find themselves in: A family member is arrested and charged with a crime. In such instances, how the accused and their family members respond can potentially have a huge impact on the outcome.

Like many of the ultra-wealthy, you may be a Family Steward—that is, your biggest concern is the health and well-being of your family. With that in mind, here are some important considerations and action steps that should be weighed if someone in your family finds themselves in legal trouble—along with some advice about what to tell your kids to do if they ever are arrested or questioned by the police.

Key first steps

If a family member is arrested and charged with a crime, chances are it’s your first time dealing with such a situation. While there may be many big decisions to make in the coming weeks, your first steps could involve some variation of the following:

Step #1: Gather all pertinent information.

Ask the law enforcement officer for the arrest number, which you may need to track progress through the post-arrest steps. Write down the date, time and location of the arrest, and ask the police to spell out the specific charges your family member is facing and where the person is being held.

Step #2: Contact a criminal defense attorney.

Getting a lawyer involved as quickly as possible can help ensure your family member’s rights are protected. Tell the lawyer all the information you have collected, including the arrest number. The attorney might immediately head to the location where your family member is being held to speak with them (and to be present should law enforcement seek to ask questions).

Ideally, you know of a reputable criminal defense attorney or can reach out to other attorneys with whom you already work for recommendations and introductions. If not, ask trusted friends or associates for contacts. If necessary, an internet search will likely turn up several candidates in your area to consider. For tips on what to look for when vetting a criminal defense attorney, see Choosing an attorney on the next page.

Step #3: Attend the arraignment.

An arraignment is a preliminary hearing where charges are read, police reports are provided, a plea is entered, and a judge decides whether your loved one will be released or held without bail. This is where your criminal defense lawyer may file motions to have evidence removed or drop all charges. Typically, arraignments occur quickly. In California, for example, it’s required that arrested persons be brought to court within 48 hours of arrest (excluding weekends and holidays).

Step #4: Post bond, if necessary.

If a bail requirement is set by the court, you can post bond yourself or work through a bail bondsman for a fee in order to get your family member released from jail.

Important do’s and don’ts

To navigate the process successfully, you’ll want to know some smart moves to make—and some important mistakes and risks to avoid. Some key do’s and don’ts to consider include the following:

 

1. Stay calm. As stressful as the situation likely is, you’ll be able to think better and offer greater support to your family member if you keep your composure as much as possible. Reassure the person that you’ll help them find an attorney, fight the charges and be there for them. Being rational and calm can help the accused also remain rational and calm as they move forward.
2. Be respectful. This sounds obvious, but in the heat of the moment it can be all too easy to be overcome with emotions. Say, for example, that you’re present when your family member is arrested. Being disrespectful to the arresting officer—or taking a “do you know who I am?” attitude—might feel good, but it’s likely to escalate the situation and potentially hurt your chances of resolving the issue quickly and with as little pain as possible.
3. Watch what you say. If you’re talking with the accused person at (or from) a jail or police station, do not expect your conversation to be private. Indeed, calls from a jail are almost certainly being recorded—and the things you ask and say can be used against the accused. Likewise, if your arrested family member is talking about the case, stop them immediately and tell them not to talk to anyone other than their attorney.
4. Avoid contact with the victim or any witnesses. If you know the victim or any witnesses in the case and you contact them, you could later be accused of witness tampering—potentially harming the accused’s chances of being acquitted.
5. Call the person’s employer. If your arrested family member will miss work while waiting to be arraigned, call their employer. Rather than revealing the reason, simply say there’s been a family emergency.

Choosing an attorney

The quality of the lawyer who represents your loved one can potentially have a major impact on nearly every outcome that occurs during the process. Consider the following factors when evaluating a criminal defense attorney:

Years of experience—in particular, the number of years dealing with criminal defense matters.
Their law firm’s size and resources.
Their areas of specialization or interest—do they focus on the type of crime with which your loved one has been charged?
Geographic location—how close are they to you and your family?
Board certifications and other distinctions.

If the family member is a minor

Minors have the same rights as adults when arrested. But whereas adults might know those rights and have confidence exerting them, your child may be scared and intimidated—and could inadvertently say or do things that hurt their case.

That’s why—even if you’re certain your children would never get in trouble with the law—it’s probably smart for your kids to get educated on what to do (and not do) if they’re in a situation that could lead to their arrest or the arrest of someone they’re with.

Perhaps the biggest lesson to impart: Children must be read their Miranda rights and told that they have the right to remain silent. If children are not Mirandized, any conversations between them and the police will be inadmissible as evidence in court.

What’s more, children have the right to have their parents present during police interactions and questioning. Police are required to make a reasonable effort to contact a minor’s parents, if the child asks for them. That said, kids can be interviewed without a parent or attorney present (with some exceptions).

The upshot: Tell your child to ask for you and an attorney immediately upon arrest. At that point, the police must stop asking questions and the child can stop talking. But if they simply ask for their parents, the police can continue to question them. Your child can say something along the lines of, “I am very sorry, but my parents have told me if I am questioned by the police, I am to say nothing but my name. I want to get a lawyer. I will not answer any more questions. Please call my parents.”

Other advice for your under-18 children:

• Be respectful, polite and courteous to the police at each stage of an interaction.
• Give your name and identification (or your parents’ contact information) if asked.
• Answer factually. Be as accurate as possible about what you know occurred, not what you think might have happened.
• Understand that there is no “parent-child privilege”—parents can be asked to testify about what their children say to them regarding the case.

From your perspective, let the lawyer do the talking. You are under no obligation to comment or provide a recorded statement. And while it’s natural to want to jump in and help your child clear their name, it’s probably an unwise move. Once you provide a statement to the police, it’s an official part of the case—even if the report isn’t accurate or your words are misrepresented.

Understand your own potential risks

An arrested child may not be the only person facing legal trouble. In some cases, parents can find themselves running afoul of the law, too. In recent years, for example, some parents of under-18 gun criminals have been charged with crimes due to the actions they took to help procure the weapons for their children—or, in other cases, actions they didn’t take, such as failing to securely store firearms in their homes. Charges associated with harboring a fugitive family member are another (perhaps more obvious) risk parents may face in certain instances.

Conclusion

Hopefully you never find yourself in a situation where a loved one is charged with a crime. But, of course, one major aspect of protecting your family is to think about those potential “black swan” events—low probability of happening, but high impact if they do—and have at least a general sense of what may happen next and what steps you should consider taking.

Disclaimer: The laws and procedures described in this article may differ from state to state, municipality to municipality, etc. Consult your local laws for accurate information.

ACKNOWLEDGMENT: This report was published by the VFO Inner Circle, a global financial concierge group working with affluent individuals and families, and is distributed with its permission. Copyright 2025 by AES Nation, LLC.